


The one where everything is falling apart

by a_grumpy_kitty



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Depression, Drowning, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 01:39:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4203093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_grumpy_kitty/pseuds/a_grumpy_kitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Ryan is drowning and Brendon can breathe underwater</p>
            </blockquote>





	The one where everything is falling apart

Pale skin, red eyes, bony knees. Ryan made a list of himself. Thinking too much, mind too loud, too afraid. He kept going on. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He remembered what his therapist had told him a few months earlier. Happy thoughts. Tan skin, chocolate eyes, blinding smile. Ryan made a list of Brendon. Happy, smiling, home. Ryan smiled to himself. He held his breath and sunk into the warm water. He could feel his lungs pulling at his chest, trying to escape, trying to find air. He felt himself slipping away. He thought more about Brendon of his last thoughts. 4 years, "Don't talk to me", missed phone calls. Water. So much water. He had to stop. He had to get out. He needed to see Brendon one more time. He pushed against the water. He couldn't move. His body was limp and numb and everything was turning black. If he could cry underwater, he would be sobbing. There was too much water in his lungs. He was frozen in his warm watery deathbed. He was so scared. He tried screaming but he was too late. His body felt so light and the world was so dark. But now he thinks he can see Brendon. At least he was going to heaven.

It was too quiet in the house. Brendon had knocked on the door so many times. He had only been here a few times but it was never quiet. There were always people. Ryan didn't like being alone. He hated being isolated with his own thoughts. Fuck. Brendon pushed heavily against the doors until the finally opened. He felt his anxiety trickling up his spine but he kept going. He searched every inch of the house. Fuck fuck fuck. The pool. Brendon ran through the house and pushed open the glass doors. A dark figure was in the deepest end of the blue water. "Fuck fuck fuck Ryan fuck." Brendon panicked. Tears were running down his face so fast he could drown himself. He stripped himself of his jacket and shoes and dove into the pool. He couldn't see under the water and through his tears but he kept going. Ryan body was still sinking down. Brendon could see Ryan. Brendon could cry from happiness. He dove further under the water and grabbed Ryan's thin arm. Brendon himself was now running out of air but he was almost there. They were so close. So so close. When Brendon's head broke through the crashing pool waves, he had never felt so many things. He pulled himself and Ryan onto the burning pavement. Brendon used every drop of energy he had left and he brought his hands to Ryans chest and pushed down and up and down. He pinched Ryan's nose and brought their lips together.

When Ryan woke up, water was being coughed up out of his mouth. Light was blinding him but he was so cold. His head felt like all hell had been let loose. He remembered the pool and his list and Brendon. Brendon. Shit. Ryan sat up as quickly as he could, although it wasn't very fast. His eyes adjusted to the sunlight and Ryan could swear to god Brendon was an angel. He was soaking wet and his eyes shone like the sun even with that worried look on his face and the 5:00 sunlight crated an outline of light around his body and Ryan could've cried if he had any tears left. "Ry?" was the first thing Ryan had heard Brendon say in 4 years. "How did you know i was here?" Ryan managed to say, with a croaky voice, still coughing.  
"You don't remember?"  
"No?"  
"You called me last night and asked me to come over today."  
"Why?"  
"You didn't say."  
"We havn't talked in years Bren."  
"I was as shocked as you."  
"But you came."  
"Yeah."  
"Why?"  
"I don't know." They sat in silence after that. The sun dried off their soaking bodies.  
"You need to go to a hospital."  
"Yeah." Ryan agreed. Brendon helped him up and inside. Ryan gave Brendon a pair of dry clothes and the boys changed.  
"I'll drive." Brendon said taking Ryan's keys. Ryan didn't say anything but just followed.

Ryan ended up only having minor lung damage and minor abdominal swelling. He vomited once they arrived at the hospital. But he was okay. He was okay, Brendon kept telling himself. "He's lucky to have you." the doctors kept saying. Lucky, lucky, lucky. Brendon didn't feel lucky.

"Um, so, do you want me to stay with you while you recover?" Brendon ended up asking on the drive home. "um, yeah. That would be nice." Maybe things weren't falling apart, Ryan thought. maybe Brendon can help put it all back together.


End file.
